I have been off the record from off the record for a while *winks* (I like the way that sounds) and I think there’s no better way to come back on the record than through a holiday edition.
*Nigerians are enjoying a holiday via a muslim celebration*
Not too long ago we got talking about the bedroom flat generation and scripted below are hilarious accounts of some of the funniest kids I know as narrated by the bedroom flat generation parents.
My kids are glued to the TV, scratch that, glued to cartoon network. Its gotten so bad that they practically kidnap the remote, not only at home but also when we visit their grandpa.
So while they are in their room, they get to dictate what we watch in the main sitting room.
The eldest, my 7 year old boy is the master strategist for the gang. The trick these days is that while the station is on cartoon network, the remote just gets missing *beat that*.
I knew I was in big trouble when I got out of my room on a friday night by 11pm and found the television still on and as you will rightfully guess, the station was tuned to cartoon network.
As I stepped into the sitting room, I was just in time to hear a ‘hissing sound’ from a corner of the room and what I saw next wiped off every form of sleep from my eyes.
Holding his ‘pipi’ in a corner of my sitting room with his eyes still very much glued to Doc. Mcstuffins (I know the names of their favourite cartoons), my second son, a 4 year old, oblivious of my presence was ‘pissing’ on the rug!
When he saw me, he froze…his hands were still on his ‘pipi’ but nothing was coming out anymore, while his eyes were wide open like he had just seen a ghost – that to me was enough punishment.
Another very obviously shocked parent recounts the hostage situation by her 4 year old daughter (what’s with that age?).
Mary simply refused to take her drugs, the lady says, ‘insisting that I first start chanting ‘go Mary, go Mary, go Mary, go Mary…’
The dad walks in, right in the middle of the drama and does the hard parent trick, ‘will you take your drugs this very moment!’ He said with a lot of steam in his voice.
Mary just looks past her dad like he wasn’t there and with twinkling eyes tells me, ‘and daddy must join you to say go Mary, or else I won’t dwink‘ she says, shaking her head.
Two minutes later, everyone in the house including her macho dad is screaming ‘go Mary, go Mary, go Mary, go Mary’ and she’s beaming with smiles as she takes her drugs.
I just smiled, remembering the slaps I would have received from my mum if I had played this same trick when I was a child. She would have trapped my nostrils with her fingers while shoving the drugs down my throat.
Go Ronke kor, Come Ronke ni
Children can be super eaters. I know not because I’m a medical doctor but because I’m a parent.
Imagine my sons – little pre-teens -almost eating as much as my husband?
The incident that sticks out in my memory is when I made some okra soup for my husband – same soup that happens to be the favourite for my 3 year old girl.
After serving her eba that had its size almost as big as my husbands’, I was surprised to see her come to me in the kitchen some 20 minutes later with her plate in her hand.
‘Mummy I want more eba,’ she says stretching her plate to me with her left hand on her tummy. ‘I want my belly to buuurrrsssst!’
At that moment, I couldn’t hold it anymore, I burst – sorry in my child’s voice, I buuurrrsssst! – out laughing.
I want my belly to buuurrrsssst!
As I sit here trying to type this, my nieces won’t just let me concentrate – I call them rug rats – same ones from the bedroom flat generation .
The 8 year old Radiant is trying to bully the 4 year old Bliss to letting her teach her some school work and Bliss is having none of that. She insists on doing it herself.
Finally Bliss goes, ‘uncle will help me do it,’ as she snuggles up to me.
Reluctantly I stop what I’m doing and try to see what the work is about and as soon as her older sister goes away, she takes her books away from me and sets about doing the works by herself.
‘Why did you say I would help you do it if you wanted to do it by yourself?’ I asked after failing to convince her to let me help.
She smiles cunningly ‘I said you would help me do it because that way I would do it by myself and Radiant will go away with her trouble.’ She says as she goes about her work, paying me no more attention.
I’m stunned – a 4 year old has just successfully used my head.
Were we this way growing up?
I really do doubt that. This is a whole new generation. They do unbelievable things especially when they are 4 years and above.
As I sit staring at my niece who doesn’t have my time anymore, I just smile and mutter, ‘Some mothers do have them’.
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